The Haremite Swoona Colada Song (filk)

I was tired of my real life
Been working hard for too long
Felt like a worn-out recording
Of a favourite song
So while others lay sleeping
I left my books and my bed
And in the Internet forums
There was this interesting thread

“If you wear Frodo pyjamas
Love him caught in the rain
if you’re right into cheesecake
if you have half a brain
if you read hobbit fic at midnight
want a sword and a cape
you’re a Haremite swooner
come with us and escape!”

I’d loved Tolkien all my life
And I loved Fro on the screen
I know it sounds kind of crazy
But it was something beyond a dull routine
So I clicked on the forum
hoping I wasn’t mad
And though I'm nobody's poet
I thought it wasn't half bad

‘Cause I adore Frodo Baggins
His getting caught in the rain
He makes me feel super swoony
Like I’m drunk on champagne
I started lurking every afternoon
And the pics made me gape
Loved the sound of West Bag End
What a place to escape!

So I posted with high hopes
I got the feel of the place
I was at home in an instant
Swooning over that face
The dudes and such gorgeous ladies
So many turning to goo
Made me laugh, made me whimper
Because all of us knew:

If you are named Frodo Baggins,
look good caught in the rain,
if you are the Ringbearer,
seek release from your pain,
if your curls are black as midnight,
eyes like sea off the cape
you’re the hobbit I’ve looked for
come with me and escape!